So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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