We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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