So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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