i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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