I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
