life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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