I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were trust falling into bushes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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