I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
