Is it normal to miss your booty call?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
