doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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