1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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