Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
