One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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