You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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