This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
