i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
