Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize