I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize