so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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