My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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