I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
