so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
