Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
