im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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