from now on my penis is your penis
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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