I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
