I should be sponsored by Trojan
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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