I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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