i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
