Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
