I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
