you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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