peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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