I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
