He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
