so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
