Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
