the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dear god my vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
