Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
