Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
