I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
