the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
