I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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