you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you inspire me to be a worse person
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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