its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
