it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
