if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
