Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
