Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
