I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
