I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
