I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
