Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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