census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
