Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
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She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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